Let’s talk about perfectionism. You might think it’s about being perfect. But… is that even possible? Can anyone ever really be 100% “perfect”? I’ve never met someone who could, honestly. So, if perfectionism isn’t about being perfect, then what are we talking about?

Defining Perfectionism (Well, Sort of)

There’s no one-size-fits-all definition, but let’s break it down a bit:

1. Chasing Unreachable Standards: You push yourself (and maybe others) to meet incredibly high expectations—ones that are often too much for the situation. From the outside looking in, people might say, “Is that really necessary?” But you keep pushing, because it feels like it has to be done.
2. Self-Worth Tied to Achievements: Your value, how you see yourself, is tightly connected to whether or not you meet those impossible standards. It’s like you’re your own harshest critic.
3. Negative Consequences: Even when striving for these goals leads to stress, burnout, or worse, you keep going. It’s like you can’t help but chase after them, no matter what it’s costing you.

The Big Perfectionism Paradox

Here’s the kicker: people often see perfectionism as something positive—pursuing excellence, always wanting to improve, pushing limits. And hey, it makes sense. You might feel like being a perfectionist helps you stay organized, efficient, always prepared.

But here’s where things get tricky.

Setting high goals is fine, it can even be motivating! But when those goals start interfering with your happiness? That’s when perfectionism becomes a problem. You may start feeling on edge, stressed, and like you’re never quite good enough, no matter how hard you try.

The Downside? Your Self-Worth Suffers

When the standards you set for yourself are impossible to meet, it can feel like failure is inevitable. And with that, your self-esteem takes a hit. This is when perfectionism stops helping and starts hurting—leading to frustration, worry, isolation, depression, and that constant nagging feeling of not being enough. Sound familiar?

Where Does Perfectionism Show Up?

You might be thinking, “But I’m not a perfectionist in every area of my life.” And that’s totally normal! Perfectionism doesn’t have to affect everything. You might be a perfectionist at work, but totally laid-back about housework or relationships. Or maybe it’s just with your health, your fitness, or even how you groom yourself.

Here’s where perfectionism might pop up:

• Work
• Studying
• Housework
• Relationships
• Health, fitness, or diet
• Personal grooming
• Even hobbies, like sports

How Does Perfectionism Show Up?

Perfectionism can sneak into your daily life in all sorts of ways. Ever found yourself doing any of these?

• Struggling to Make Decisions: Spent forever choosing an outfit for work because it has to be just right?
• Constantly Seeking Reassurance: Asking others to double-check your work, just to be sure?
• Making Lists (and More Lists): Rewriting your to-do list over and over, trying to organize the “perfect” day?
• Giving Up Too Easily: Like that time I tried to learn guitar but quit after two lessons because I wasn’t good enough? Yep, I’ve been there too.
• Procrastinating: Putting off a project, scared it won’t meet your sky-high standards?
• Obsessively Checking: Standing in front of the mirror looking for flaws that no one else even sees?
• Holding On to Everything: Still got those receipts from five years ago, “just in case”?
• Slowing Down to Perfection: Speaking so carefully that conversations feel like a test?
• Avoiding Risks: Not applying for that dream job because… what if you fail?

Recognize yourself in any of these?

Disclaimer:
The information provided here is for general knowledge and understanding of perfectionism. It should not replace professional advice. If you think perfectionism is significantly affecting your well-being, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for tailored support.

Written by Dr. Rameez Shaikh, MD