Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a complex psychological condition where individuals exhibit an inflated sense of self-importance, lack empathy, and seek excessive admiration. While this may seem like mere arrogance, in reality, it significantly impacts relationships, parenting, and overall emotional health.

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NPD in Romantic Relationships

1. The Idealization Phase

At the beginning of a relationship, a person with NPD may seem charming, confident, and deeply in love. They shower their partner with compliments, gifts, and attention. This phase is often called “love bombing.”

👉 Example: Sarah met Ryan, who was charismatic and made her feel like the most special person in the world. He texted her constantly, planned extravagant dates, and spoke about a perfect future together.

But this phase doesn’t last long. Once the partner is emotionally invested, the dynamic starts changing.

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2. The Devaluation Phase

After the honeymoon phase, a narcissist may begin to belittle their partner, criticize them for small things, or make them feel unworthy. They may become emotionally distant, manipulative, or even controlling.

👉 Example: Ryan started making Sarah feel guilty for spending time with friends, accused her of being “ungrateful,” and slowly withdrew the affection he once gave so freely.

This cycle can be confusing and emotionally draining for the partner.

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3. The Discard Phase

Eventually, the narcissistic partner may lose interest or replace their partner when they no longer serve their emotional needs. They may ghost them, cheat, or end the relationship abruptly, leaving their partner heartbroken and confused.

👉 Example: One day, Ryan simply stopped responding to Sarah’s messages. A week later, she saw him posting pictures with another woman, acting as if she never existed.

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4. The Hoovering Phase

After discarding their partner, they may attempt to return (“hoovering”), acting apologetic and charming to regain control over their ex.

👉 Example: Months later, Ryan texted Sarah, saying he “missed her” and that he had “changed.” She was tempted to believe him, but deep down, she knew the cycle would repeat.

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NPD in Parenting

Narcissistic parents can be extremely controlling, emotionally manipulative, and self-centered. Their children often grow up feeling inadequate or overly responsible for their parent’s emotions.

1. The “Golden Child vs. Scapegoat” Dynamic

Many narcissistic parents have a favorite child (the “golden child”) and one they blame for everything (the “scapegoat”).

👉 Example: Mrs. Kapoor praised her elder son for being “perfect” but constantly criticized her younger daughter, blaming her for every mistake in the house.

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2. Lack of Emotional Support

A narcissistic parent often invalidates their child’s feelings, making them feel unseen or unheard.

👉 Example: When 8-year-old Rohan told his mother he felt sad about being bullied, she dismissed him by saying, “Stop being weak. Just toughen up.”

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3. Conditional Love

Narcissistic parents often make their love conditional, only showing affection when the child meets their expectations.

👉 Example: Anita’s father only praised her when she scored good marks but ignored her when she struggled with school stress.

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4. Over-Control & Gaslighting

Narcissistic parents manipulate reality and make their children question their own memories or feelings.

👉 Example: Rahul’s mother constantly told him that he was “too sensitive” whenever he expressed his emotions, making him doubt his own feelings.

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How to Deal with a Narcissistic Partner or Parent?

✅ Set Boundaries – Do not let them manipulate or guilt-trip you.

✅ Seek Therapy – Professional help can provide clarity and emotional healing.

✅ Practice Self-Care – Prioritize your emotional well-being.

✅ Avoid Justifying Their Actions – Accept that their behavior is unlikely to change.

✅ Join Support Groups – Talking to others with similar experiences can be helpful.

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Conclusion

Dealing with a narcissist, whether in relationships or parenting, can be emotionally exhausting. Understanding NPD helps in recognizing patterns, setting boundaries, and prioritizing one’s well-being. If you or someone you know is struggling with narcissistic abuse, seeking professional help is essential.

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📞 Need Help? Contact Us!

📍 Mind & Mood Clinic, Nagpur (India)
👨‍⚕️ Dr. Rameez Shaikh, MD (Psychiatrist & Counsellor)
📞 +91-8208823738

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🛑 Disclaimer

This article is for informational purposes only and should not be taken as medical advice. If you or someone you know needs help, please consult a professional.